Monkey see, Monkey do
by Locele
Summary: After being rejected as a personal friend, Kathryn Janeway tries to find out what made her so distant from her crew. She searched for answers and maybe a solution. - Made for Secret Drabble 2011 VAMB -


**So is my drabble for the Vamb Secret Drabble 2011! I should have uploaded it ages ago but I have been busy busy busy! (for anyone reading this and wondering about my Rizzoli and Isles story. I will write again but I am terribly busy with school. Have faith)**

**Below is the request! **

**First Sentence:  
><strong>_**"I have many friends on this ship, but you're not one of them."  
><strong>_**Character/Pairings:  
><strong>_**Any slash or het pairing as friendship or romance, but please no P/T, K/7 or anything with Neelix. I adore friendship stories. *hint*  
><strong>_**No goes:  
><strong>_**Babyfic, rape, excessive violence**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p><strong>Monkey see, monkey do<strong>

_"I have many friends on this sh__ip, but you're not one of them" the fierce young woman said looking up at her commanding officer._

_Her voice cut the older woman deeply. __The hurtful words didn't stop. "You can't be. You never let us be close anyway. So why now?"_

_She just turned around and walked out. She had her head raised high, there was no way she would __show her crewmember that she felt crushed._

Kathryn sat in the darkness of her room. She was trying to angrily wipe the tears that kept coming from her face. She hated herself for being weak. How could she have thought that the closeness she had been developing between herself and B'Elanna was a friendship?

"Kathryn Janeway, stop being such a weakling" she told herself. Standing up Kathryn took a few deep breaths. Well it was her own fault really. She should have never let her crewmember so close. She was the Captain after all.

She nodded. She was the Captain. She should be an example to everyone. She was the mother of the crew really. She needed to be strong. She couldn't let anyone too close. Starfleet did not have these rules for nothing. They were there for a very good reason.

As Kathryn recited the guidelines in her head she felt herself grow calmer and feel more like the Captain. She stared out at the stars and nodded to them. She was the Captain. She would take them home. She could do this. Trying to make friends, what was she? A child?

She smirked as she thought that. She sat down at her desk and picked up a pad. She would be alright. she was Kathryn Janeway, daughter of Admiral Edward Janeway. He would have been ashamed of her.

As her eyes raked over the words she realized she didn't really read them. Her mind was being occupied by her thoughts. She repeated the words B'Elanna had said to her. She never let anyone close… she couldn't. Oh she was repeating to herself.

A memory came to her. Her dad had come home. She tried to impress him so much. He was always at work but Kathryn Janeway wanted to be just like him: Working for Starfleet, making a difference. He was a workaholic, she knew that now. But she turned out to be one too. She turned into him like she had wanted. But he had once told her something too.

"_Goldenbird, whatever you will do with your life__, Never forget that there are far more important things than work. I know I am not home alot and to be honest, I regret that. I know you want to be just like me, but do not make the same mistakes I have made. Embrace your friends and family. Will you do that for me?"_

She had been a girl. Eight years old. Now that she looked back on it she realized she HAD made the same mistakes as her dad. She had put her work before everything. She had lost her friends and even though she had loved Mark she had been neglecting him. She thought he wasn't as important as her work.

And now she was here, in the Delta Quadrant. She had turned out like her dad because he was her example. Now… her crew was looking up at her. She was their example. They would follow her everywhere, they trusted her and believed in her. But in doing so they were mimicking her too. A famous sentence came to her…

Monkey see, monkey do

She slammed her pad on the desk and stood. B'Elanna had asked why… she hadn't known. She had tried… but not with her heart. No she had tried with her head. And B'Elanna had done what Kathryn Janeway had done for years. She had pushed her away.

That wasn't what she wanted for her crew. She wanted them to be a family. She knew they were already. But she had always felt the forced… politeness underneath. It was her fault.

Sighing Kathryn turned back to the stars. "I have a lot to learn don't I daddy?" she asked. She felt stupid now. she hadn't talked to the stars in years. She wasn't a child and she knew he couldn't hear her. She believed in science. She was the Captain! But there was something calming in talking to the stars.

"I'll make you proud now daddy… I will not make the same mistakes. I promised you long ago. I forgot for a while. A lot happened. But I can learn too. I do learn every day. I will make you proud".

She smiled and closed her eyes for a moment. She hit her badge. "Kathryn Janeway to B'Elanna Torres".

the response was immediate. _"Captain? I am so sorry"_

"B'Elanna stop there. I do not want you apologizing to me, although I really appreciate it. I just wanted to talk to you for a moment. Could you come to my quarters?" Kathryn asked.

"_Yes, of course. I will be right there. I am really sorry Captain for saying those things"._

"just come over, Captain out".

Kathryn smiled. She did learn this night. She wasn't too old for it. A new day would bring new challenges, new tasks… new friendships hopefully. And maybe… love…

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><p><strong>Please Review<strong>


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